‘Cremate me & scatter my ashes…’ depressing letter by TPF star David Major

Rescued Tusker Project Fame reality star David Major has not had it easy for over three years now. Based on an alarming long letter he posted on his social media.

David was rescued from living in squalor in Thika as a homeless person.

In a Facebook post that was put up back on December 23, 2018, David’s pals feared that he was sinking into depression.

“BEEN GONE FOR A MINUTE. HAD SOME TOUGH REALIZATIONS TO…WELL..REALIZE THAT I FEEL THE NEED TO SHARE. DON’T BURY ME SOMEWHERE. CREMATE ME & SCATTER MY ASHES OVER LAKE NAIVASHA, ONE OF MY FAVORITE PLACES, HAD GREAT TIMES THERE, AND SCATTER THE REST NEAR MA’S GRAVE.”

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After the post went viral, friends were in a frenzy to reached out to him and find out if he was okay.

They did and his family and close pals reassured them that he was doing okay, it was just a moment he was having.

Three years down the line, he is homeless and a shadow of his former self. Seems his deep seated issues got to him.

His fellow reality show star Alvan Gatitu whom he was with on TPF, set out to look for him and ensured he was treated and taken to rehab.

There is an Mchanga page where well wishers can donate to help David get back on his feet.

Read the rest of his depressing letter that sounds like his last will and testament. It alarmed alot of people who realised it was a call for help.

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David articulated his pain and distress. Go through…

“I’m an artist so indulge a quote from one of my favorite Coolie Budz songs:

‘The way you’re going ain’t gon’ get u nowhere. But tomorrow’s another day, tomorrow’s another day. How you’re going ain’t gon’ get u nowhere, So I just want u to be prepared. ‘

On that note let me start with something I feel is as rare these days as kindness, an apology, followed swiftly by my sincere gratitude for it all especially for the times it went unsaid, not shown or worse, unappreciated.

Time, distance, circumstance & choice even, have resulted in us growing apart: feel I should begin with family.

Have to start with Ma. I am pretty much nothing without my Mother. I owe everything to you, my very existence as a matter of fact.

Couldn’t be more sorry for the times I let you down…more than anything for not living up to my potential after everything you sacrificed & you sacrificed a lot.

Someone wise said something about how we view sacrifice as loss, as losing something we’re typically so desperate to hold on to for whatever reason, rather than something you’re choosing to give up to benefit someone or the universe at large in some way…

My dad had hardcore fans who visited him in prison – Jacque Maribe

And I’ve learned from my Mother & personal experience that the universe responds in kind. So worry not, tenda wema nenda zako.

Have to apologise to Paulette. Forgive me baby sis for not being the best big bro I could be.

You mostly missed out on Pops behaving like a teenager when he was most needed as a husband & a father and for some of it you were too young to fully understand, so one could argue you were mostly unscathed but truth is you experienced his absence too, not to mention you had to grow up mighty fast, dealing with your older siblings’ Daddy issues, Ma’s illness & eventually her passing.

I want you to know that you are this family’s miracle, and right up there with Mum is the regard I hold you with.

You are our saving grace. You took our youngest under your wing in a tumultuous time, took care of Karla when we couldn’t or wouldn’t after we lost Mum.

You are loved & appreciated beyond what words in any language could describe.

Thanks for always having my back even when I didn’t deserve it.

That by definition should be what family is about…in a perfect world I guess.

You remind me of Ma in that way and many more.

My favorite moments in life are when you’re by my side & we’re facing something together, when we’re exactly on the same page.

Those are the moments I feel strongest, most purposeful, most alive…I have a reason for being.

Only other time I felt that kind of power was with Mum. Even at our worst, you gave your brothers a safe haven, sometimes even at the cost of your own wellbeing.

I admire how you’ve never been the type to hold on to pain, grudges or any type of ugliness, only lessons learned.

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Mum said in one of her books:
“Kill a man if you must but never deprive him of hope…for with that you kill him anyway and in a much more cruel way.”

I’m getting reacquainted with “I Swear By Apollo”. Ma’s wisdom was beyond this world. That quote reminds me of you Paul… And of you also Bro.

It reminds me of the hope you were deprived of right from childhood mostly from a man who either got off being cruel to you or who just didn’t know any better perhaps because he also had it rough growing up courtesy of an abusive father and step mums who got more attention and mistreated grandma’s brood whenever they could get away with it.

Doesn’t mean it should have been taken out on you or us for that matter but it is what it is.

You’re one of a kind Jeff, one of the most intelligent people I know and what I love about it is that it’s not in a conventional way.

You care about the things no-one else does. You were always too busy being you to care about fitting in with the “cool kids”, in quotes because you’re hella cool in your own right.

I could give a fuck about the 8.4.4. system & how insecure it made you feel.

The old man didn’t help the situation either huh? Incase you forgot along the way or didn’t know, you…we, get that type of intelligence from Mum.

You have inspired me more than you realize. The 1st adventure film I ever did a soundtrack for was your film, “Omondi Pilate” our very own Indiana Jones, & Lord knows we could do with more heroes although for some reason we keep shutting them down, just ask Jesus.

Bro, never forget, you are kind, loved & not alone.

Never stop dreaming, imagining, thinking outside of the box, hoping, believing, loving.

Ma smiled down on you when you made that donation & dedicated the work of your hands to the kids at Cottolengo.

Forgive me for not always seeing past your problems, that you’re bigger than they are.

Never feel overly ashamed of your mistakes, so much that you can’t move past them.

We tend to judge too quickly & too harshly I suppose so we distract ourselves from looking in the mirror and seeing how fucked up we are. I’ve got no business judging.

How I made Ksh 2m in two weeks of crime – Comedian Mchungaji

I’ve done ridiculously despicable things too. Keep moving forward, we live and we learn.

You never had the best example from the men in your life growing up.

Wives, our aunties that is, getting abused harder than the liquor…kids, our cousins, neglected…there was always a story going round but somehow it was always entirely blamed on our generation as if it stemed out of nowhere.

In the end, everyone is held accountable for their own actions so don’t carry their burden in addition to yours.

Let it go bro. I see it clearly so clearly now. Find yourself again, your true self.

Same goes for you too big sis. I see myself in you: the kindness, intelligence, wrecklessness in who we let it in, over-drinking & wasted potential.

We waste too much time & energy trying to please we forgot about ourselves: trying to love others we forgot about us.

We’ve been on dead end roads to nowhere for a long minute now but know that even dead end roads lead somewhere.

We just have to really decide we want more than this shit.

I appreciate you and the times you’ve been there for me.

Do me a favor and tell Pops I didn’t touch that 7Gs he sent to either you or Angie..my brain was misfiring for goodness sake and I was too busy biting the shit out of my tongue involuntarily to be squandering his money not to mention I didn’t have a phone so don’t know what his beef is.

I was sitting there, not getting treated because the doc wasn’t getting paid as you guys bickered over nonsense..dude wouldn’t sedate me_nothing.

I stopped freaking out at some point, just sick of how we treat each other and frankly a part of me died with Mum anyway so I was like fuck it!

Let’s see what’s on the other side as I bled and started to pass out.

Then I thought of Mum some more. She didn’t raise me to live and die miserably like this…she gave up way too much..and I came to my senses, stuck my hands in my mouth and kept my jaw from chattering away till I got the help I needed.

F*cked my tongue up though, can’t talk right, eating is a major discomfort and even worse I can’t sing_man, the things we take for granted but I’m grateful I’m healing thanks to some very special people, you know who you are.

Angie darling, on a brighter note, thank you for how amazing you’ve been to me, nursed me back to health when those Nigerians came for my ass, never forgotten.

Thanks for the constant encouragement. If you don’t know how appreciated you are, just ask your siblings, nieces, nephews & cousins.

Karla, despite how it all turned out, you’re forever my baby sis. Should have been there more.

I’ll do better and know that we were tight when you were younger, before life threw everything into disarray and we’ve still got it like that. I’ve still got your back and I still love you.

As for Pops, there’s a lot I could say, a lifetime’s worth in fact but I will say this: be there for Jeff.

He’s never needed a father more than he does now and you’ve got some making up to do because it all begun with you.

Don’t care if he’s a grown man. He lost his way and you, Vivs and I should be the most understanding because we’ve all been to that dark place.

You’re only there, only care, when it’s convenient for you, when it suits you. You pulled the same crap with Ma and joined your fam in denying her dying wishes_a direct result of your crap in as much as you didn’t like them.

You owed her that.

How you gonna deny me seizure meds_which I didn’t need at that point by the way thanks to Laban, Milli& Dr. Oketch_deny me medicine and give me the cold shoulder for days because I won’t cut my hair???

Ma’s been dead a almost a decade now, hell, there was project fame before that and you have a problem with it now??!

What, are you still going through puberty or something?

Keep the meds, want nothing more from you infact, just be there for Jeff if he allows it.

Anyone who doesn’t want to honor my final wishes is welcome not to attend my funeral, life will certainly go on.

Never forget the time you collapsed at work and Paul & I dropped everything and hopped on to the next flight, not bus, when we got the call, and footed a hospital bill of just over 100,000 between the 2 of us.

We didn’t wait till it was convenient for us, we came running, that’s how Ma raised us.

So I personally don’t wanna hear bitching about Jeff’s bill.

Substance abuse in this family started from the generation before ours..typically major Daddy issues and losing Ma pushed some of us over the edge and fighting over her remains helped none so judge not lest ye be judged.

Save the righteous indignation for someone who doesn’t know you like I do, for someone who hasn’t sat in the freezing cold car while you got wasted, wondering why you brought me out on a school night only to whip my ass some day for missing one day of HOLIDAY CLASSES, whip my ass all the way to the bus stop and keep it up infront of my friends: save it for someone who didn’t witness you mistreat.

Ma, mistreat Jeff..watch how “discipline” very easily got to bullying and insults, zero encouragement.

Lang’ata was the worst. No wonder the kid was born angry, he couldn’t bake in the oven in peace because Ma wasn’t at peace. Truth hurts.

I’m done.

To my friends, couldn’t have asked for better ones.

Thanks for knowing when to ride or die and for letting me stand on my own two, even when I was emotionally blackmailing you, because you knew it was exactly what I needed.

You guys are the family I got to choose. Thank you for choosing me too.

You know who you are.

To my extended family, the ones I’m tight with, used to be tight with,kinda tight with & should’ve been tight with, thank you and love you all.

Be there for each other, be as present as possible in each others lives. Time once lost can’t be recovered.

To my nieces, nephews, godchildren…the next generation, get it right where we went wrong.

Love yourselves, love each other. Dream big. Leave a better world behind than the one you found, which can be a tall order I know, but just do your part.

Death is nothing to fear I came to realize. Like most, no lie, I fear the manner in which I go, no-one wants a gruesome death but I came to find that what trumps that fear for me, is how I leave things when I’m gone.. That should be what drives us all.

I just want to say for the record, should anything happen to me, Paulette is the executor of my will. 1 love and merry Xmas. David.

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